To this day the most popular post on this blog has been the entry “A goodbye letter from a Husband to his Wife”, in fact if you search “Goodbye letter to Wife or Husband” in Google it is the number one through number five top results.  I receive hundreds of responses, comments and emails on this particular entry every month, and it’ always amazing to me how many people out their, on both sides of the gender line are dealing with similar situations.  Below is one such email, and I’m sure there are thousands of you out there that can relate.  I asked the gentleman who sent it to me if it would be OK to post his story here, he agreed.  Please feel free to post any comments or words of advice.

 

I hope this reaches you. I read your letter to your wife or ex-wife and it touched me deeply even though you shared allot more with her that I have in my 2 1/2 years of marriage it still hurts. Below is some background info, if you are available i do hope to get your advice thank you so much.

21-year-old wife left me after an affair with Swiss guy, is into party mode?
I have asked about ten questions regarding this. I want to move on but yet I still want my wife to come to her senses of what she did.Short background info, we are both 21 known each other for 4 years and married for 2 1/2. Always were very close, worked together lived together etc. Since I was fired from her mothers dental office 2 months ago we became distant and my relationship with her mom wasnt all too good. Her and her friend took a trip to Vegas a month ago and she cheated on me with a Swiss jackass guy and actually took 2 more trips there in 2 weeks and a third he bought her an airplane ticket to San Diego. It is an emotional affair but now she is in a state of “emotional happiness” which I am sure will be short. The guy has gone back to Switzerland but she looks forward to his emails and told me of another trip to Vegas during December.She has moved out of the home we purchased 5 months ago and into her moms big house. She has the support of her mom and only once did she
break down apologizing. I havent kept contact with her in the last 5 days and it has been so hard for me. As stupid as this sounds I have a forgiving heart and asked her if we could go to counselling but she does not think things could go back to the way they were. Everyone knows of her infidelity and my family is saddened and her mom just seems to be fueling her insanity. My question and the advice I am seeking from anyone that has gone through this is, Should I take out her clothes and belongings that she hasnt taken from our house and put them in the garage for her to take? I have been staying at my parents house and working out a lot to keep busy and now i need friends more than ever. I am starting to build up my confidence and have had a lot of compliments but still, i am scared to not find anyone. Her reasons were that she didnt want to settle and all of this bs but she was inconsiderate for my feelings. As I try to let go I want her to want me as silly as this sounds. She
occasionally texts me to get her tv unplugged and if i have dropped my classes at the university. The last time we saw each other was 6 days ago when I made her sign some papers stating that everything inside the house was mine, she did and we had sex…dumb move i know but i wanted to. She texted me this morning saying that we need to get a divorce before I leave on my trip to Colombia this Friday but I bet this is a lengthy process. Should I keep ignoring and write a letter expressing that this is for the best of us and that I agree with the break up/divorce? She probably thinks that I am miserable without her as I did try so hard to convince her to not take another trip to Vegas in the beginning. She will be signing the house to my name but I havent had a job in 2 months and have just been blessed to be making money selling things on Craigslist. I want to keep my house but I am afraid that since my job status is unemployed that they will take it from me and i do not want this. I
know this is long and if you have taken your time to read up to this point I am so grateful. In the end I believe things could be worked on but I dont want to push her away. What is the best strategy? Her confidence seems to be up all of the sudden and she has changed her look. I know I am a great guy, a hard worker and I really love myself and am just scared of never finding that connection I shared with her because i am still deeply in love with her. Thank you for any advice please elaborate as best as possible and pray for this 21-year-old couple.

Time: Wednesday September 23, 2009 at 7:19 pm

 

My Response:

Hello XXXXX,

Sorry it took so long to get back to you, been pretty busy, but your email has been sitting in my in box and wanted to make sure I could give it some attention when I read it.  Your situation and how it played out is scarily similar to mine.  All I can say is that time heals all pain.  Like you, even though she had moved on her heart, I still wanted to make it work.  But once they have crossed that line, it’s so hard for things to go back.  The good news is you are young and eventually you will move on.  I would like to ask your permission to post this on the blog, as I think it will help people dealing with their own relationship problems.  I will of course remove all personal info, and names.  Either way, I hope things are better for you now.

Thanks again for letter, and don’t forget life is an adventure, don’t sweat the small stuff, and surround yourself with people who truly want to be in your life.

Chris Donley

 

Hi Chris,

Thank you so much for the reply. Things have been a little better for me since I decided to do the No Contact at all. I am on day 12 and am currently taking a little vacation in Colombia. My wife has sent me several texts ranging from ¨”i had a dream about you that is why im thinking about you” “i hope you are doing well” “tell me how you are doing!”. It doesnt make sense what she is doing but only if this woman would come to her senses and grow up, I think I could get past all of this but then again it will be hard. I sto`pped letting her play with my feelings and Im sure she misses me but I am not going to sit and wait for her selfish behavior. I know its going to hit me when I come back home to Texas and im going to feel lonely again but i have been keeping busy and that has worked some. I think I should play it off a little longer and wait to see her real intentions. I really love her and it hurts so much but as more time goes by I am feeling better and know that i can make it without her in my life. Chris go ahead and post this I need all of the advice I can get.   Thanks!