I’m BAAaack!!!

As you have probably noticed, I took some time away from the blog. I just needed a break for awhile, let the batteries recharge, let the air clear, and the dust settle. As much as I enjoy writing this blog, sharing this journey I call my life, it does take allot out of me, especially considering all the drama surrounding my life the last five months or so, I was just burnt out. I now realize there is such a thing as too much personal reflection. Not to mention, believe it or not, each of these entries can take hours, sometimes days to write. I simply didn’t want to do it half ass. So I am back, ready and anxious to get back to it. Well, were to begin…

So, as I left off nearly a month ago, I had just found a place to live in my new home town, Sartell, MN. And I do think everything does happen for a reason. As I have said before, I really wasn’t looking for a roommate situation, but it just sort of worked out that way (see archives). Well, I didn’t just get one roommate, I ended up with two. Here is how the story played out. After a couple of weeks in town, staying in a suite until I found a place to live, I was browsing craigslist for a town home or condo to rent, and by chance came across an ad for roommate wanted. Being St. Cloud the college town, of course I saw a lot of ads like this, but this one stood out, the place sounded great, the guy was the same age, his story was very similar to mine, I thought why not, let’s check it out. So Paul and I met for a beer and hit it off rite away, he was also going through a divorce, our lives almost mirrored each others in a way. I saw the place, it was great, and everything was a go to move in the following week. I still had reservations about having a housemate, but then again, I had just spent the better part of three months sitting in a suite, alone mostly, and it probably would have done me some good to have some company around. So the day I go over to start moving in, Paul says he has something to talk to me about, I’m thinking to myself, oh great, first day and already problems. Apparently a friend of his, Tim, was also going through an unexpected split from his wife, and needed a place to stay. Paul really wanted to help Tim out, and asked if it was ok with me if Tim moved in also, and he certainly understood if I wanted to back out and find someplace else or make other arrangements. I thought about it for about two seconds, realized I had just experienced what Tim is going through, and glad we could help him out even though I had never met the guy. So, we both moved in on the same day. Well, as it turns out both Paul and Tim are great guys, good people, and I consider them lifelong friends after just a month. It is almost uncanny how similar our story’s are, all married for many years with spouses we met very young, all have three children, all around the same age and social status. All of us had a very trying and lonely previous few months. None of us really wanted the situation we were in, we were just kind of thrown into it. We all at least now had a few people who could relate to what was going on, and someone there to lean on during the bad times, what a change that was for all of us. So let me tell you a little about the guys, Paul is a 34 year old die hard pilot, this guy loves aviation and anything that has to do with airplanes, as most of the decorations in the house will attest, airplane props on the wall, flight helmets on the mantel, pictures galore. He was a crop duster for many years, was on the cover of numerous aviation magazines for being the youngest pilot to ever fly this particular aircraft. He works in a corporate office at the moment however, being a crop duster means being away for months at a time, and he wants to be home for his kids. But you can tell he misses it allot. Paul has more energy than anyone I have ever met, this guy will not sit still. He will start doing push ups mid conversation, will jet around the house like the road runner on crack, and good luck keeping him on a chair if you stop for a beer. And I must say it rubs off a bit, it’s nice at times to be around someone with that much energy. He has three great kids, and has built a pretty good life for himself. One thing though, he has very strange and almost comical eating habits, I’m not going to get into it, but it really makes me laugh sometimes. How this guy lived this long I will never know. Tim is a 42 year old ex-Marine drill Sargent, though you would never ever guess that from meeting the guy. He is just such a laid back, non-judgemental person, and that one guy that everyone immediately likes. He also looks about 25, he really has taken care of himself and it shows. He currently works for the city newspaper as a web developer, has three kids as well, and also has a love for aviation. As with any marine he has a fairly high morale code, and just a great all around guy. Having a love for technology, we have allot in common, and as with Paul, we get along extremely well. In fact we all get along almost too well. We hang out almost constantly when we are home, I think that is one of the reasons I have not had time to post lately, I can’t get any alone time. Whether it’s hanging out at home or with the kids, watching a movie, checking out the town or just bantering back and forth. Good luck shutting your door for a few minutes of peace and tranquility, give it 10 minutes and the gang will be in their. You would think that would bother me, but it doesn’t, it’s nice having quality people you enjoy hanging out with, and boy do we have fun. After just a month I could tell you some of the most insane, unbelievable story’s and experiences we have shared. Some would make you laugh, some would make you sick, and a few would have your head shaking in disbelief. Yea, it has been allot of fun I must say. Oh yea, one thing Paul likes to do is stick his butt in your face while you are sleeping and snap a picture, below are some shots of a few of his recent victims. I told him that if I ever wake up to that, he is going to be talking in a slightly higher tone for awhile. They did interchange my regular and hard boiled eggs last week, you should have seen my face when I went to crack an egg I thought it was hard boiled, those idiot’s. Lol, and one day Paul got a hold of Tim’s protective mouthpiece he uses for boxing, let’s just say I’m glad that thing is not going in my mouth, sorry you had to hear it from me buddy. Anyway, great bunch of guys, we all click, and get along extremely well, and no matter what happens, these will be lifelong friends.

As far as the living environment, I couldn’t ask for more. The house is great, my living area is great, and I am more than satisfied. I had planned on getting a real bed almost rite away, I didn’t think my back was up to spending an extended period of time on an air mattress or the like. Boy was I wrong, by chance I picked up this Queen double height deluxe air mattress with memory foam top for like $40 on clearance, down from $150, I thought it would get me buy until I got a mattress, well as it turns out it is one of the most comfortable beds I have ever slept on, and though I may upgrade down the road, I am no longer in a hurry. My mom also gave me some very comfortable sheets and a true down comforter, it is very cozy. I am living pretty minimal, I picked up a $5 picture at the thrift store, and a desk on wheels and a comfy office chair, I really don’t need much more than that. Maybe a few more pictures for the wall down the road, but I have tons of framed photos of family and friends, so I am happy. I spend hours on the computer, and I hate having my desk facing a wall, and the way I have my work area set up is perfect. Even though its all out in the middle of the room. I treated myself to a message pad insert for my office chair since I do have a few back issues, and it is heaven. I also did up my bathroom a bit to make it a little more homey. Click on the Flickr link on the rite column to see some recent pics of my room and living environment. We are all fairly clean people, and you will never find a dirty dish in the sink or a glass without a coaster, which you would think is strange for three guys living together. Guess our wives had us trained well. I didn’t add any shots of Tim’s room, but it’s kind of funny to see, he has a single tent air mattress, sleeping bag, and an alarm clock. It brings living minimal to a whole new level.

On the home front, things have been going much better. My wife and I are getting along very well, and the kids are doing great. I think we would even consider each other friends again. She is making rite choices, and I really like the direction things are going. If you had told me three months ago we would have the relationship and friendship we have now, I would have called you crazy. So that of all things is the most important news I have to share. I have been spending a ton of time with the kids and family, at least two days a week, and it feels great, I missed it allot. We spent the other day at the park, and you will find some pics in the Flickr link. Though I am not going to get into it rite now, we do have a few issues with our oldest daughter, she is still struggling with a few things concerning the separation and other stresses in life, and handling them in a very selfish manor. But on a whole everything is about as good as it can be given the circumstances.

So all in all life is pretty good, and I have no complaints. The drama has all but subsided, my family and those closest to me are healthy and happy, what more could a person ask for. I am excited to be back to the blogasphere, and will be posting updates again daily. Thanks for sticking around.

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young

 

The photo that proves my point about Plasma vs LCD TV’s.

I came across this very interesting photo today comparing the black levels of the most popular flat panel TV’s on the market.  This photos shows exactly why I much prefer plasma over LCD, it really is like night and day.  If your on a budget go with any of the Panasonic models, or if you want to go all out pick up one of the Pioneer Kuro models.  Yes, they are that good.

 

I can finally admit I liked watching Brett Favre play the game.

This story made me smile.

Connecticut boy takes off Favre jersey for good after 4 years

GREEN BAY, Wis. — David Witthoft finally shunned his Brett Favre jersey for a red shirt for the first time in 1,581 days.

The 12-year-old Ridgefield, Conn. boy wore the No. 4 jeresey every day since receiving it as a gift for Christmas in 2003.

David’s father, Chuck Witthoft, says Monday that his son’s last day wearing the jersey was April 23 on his 12th birthday. Witthoft conceded his son was starting to become more concerned about his appearance after the jersey barely came down to his belt line.

Witthoft first gained national attention three years ago, and attended his first Packers game in December. He’s also planning to attend the Sept. 8 game when the Packers retire Favre’s No. 4.

His mother, Carolyn, had washed the jersey every other day and mended it when needed.

———

Information from: Green Bay Press-Gazette,

 

WSOP makes a huge change.

I am a huge fan of televised tournament poker, and the most prestigious tournament in the world, the World Series of Poker, made a huge announcement today. I think this was a very smart decision on the part of ESPN, and good for poker in general. Here is the story.

USA Today Reporting WSOP Final Table Delayed Until November

A conference call is scheduled for 11:00am Las Vegas time tomorrow, but it seems that the rumors that have been flying in the poker world may be true. If you make the final table of the World Series of Poker, you will have to wait 117 days to find out exactly what place you finish – and how much money you will win.

The much rumored adjustment is being reported on USAToday.com, and according to the USA Today piece, the main event players will play down to nine as originally scheduled in mid July, then begin play at the final table on November 9th – almost 4 months later. The final table broadcast would be on ESPN on November 11th, and the WSOP Champion would be crowned live that night.

The move is designed to build drama for poker’s biggest event, and also to build interest in and knowledge of the players participating. Both heightened drama and heightened interest should result in better ratings, something that has execs at ESPN excited. “The champion will be crowned on the day of air. We’re very excited about this change,” ESPN senior producer Jamie Horowitz told USA Today.

Rumors of this change have been swirling since the 2007 WSOP, with some WSOP staff admitting as late as last week that with all the logistics involved, the change was not an odds on favorite to happen.

With months of prep time, and months for the public to find out about the human side of the players that made it to the final nine, this change promises dynamics in the months leading up to the final table that will be completely new to the WSOP, and in fact to the poker world as a whole.

The drama will build as the players could be in line for money that would change their life a little – or a whole lot. To put it in perspective, last year’s 9th place finisher, Philip Hilm, took home $525,934. That’s a far cry from the $8.25 Million dollars champion Jerry Yang took home on the same night. Imagine going to bed for four months not knowing whether you’re going to cash out for $500k or $8 mil. That might make for some sleepless nights.

So, let’s say a player is ill, passes away, or is otherwise unable to play on November 9th – what happens? The rules would be just like any other event. The player would simply be blinded off – which would make for a very interesting final table. Who wants to be known as the player who couldn’t beat the guy that didn’t show up?

Further details will be made available at the press conference tomorrow at 11am. We will update this story, as well as have a report from the press conference. Stay tuned for updates to this breaking story.

 

The legality if income tax

Today I was online reading the daily news like I do most mornings, and came across the article about Wesley Snipes receiving a three year federal prison sentence for income tax evasion. I really had no opinion one way or the other and really never gave this story, which has been publicized in the news allot lately, much thought. Until I came across a very interesting post in the comment section under the Snipes article. I don’t know who wrote it, or it’s accuracy, but it sure was an interesting read. What do you think? Neither I or this blog has any affiliation with the individual who posted this comment.

Random comment post:

10. First Off, There Should Be No Jail Time For Any Crime That Is Non Violent, Let Alone For TAxes That Are Illegal.. And The TAx PAyers Flip The Bill For His Imprisonment When He Did Nothing To Us Or Societty… Income Tax Does Not Go To The Goverment And Has Nothing To Do With The LAw…

YOU PEOPLE NEED TO EDUCATE YOURSELVES AND QUIT BEING SHEEP!!!! INCOME TAX IS ILLEGALLLLL AND IT IS NOT USED TO RUN THE GOVERMENT!!! 0% of income tax goes to run the goverment… it goes 100% into the pockets of private bankers as interest payments on printed paper… worthless paper… It is illegal… you roads are paved in gas taxes, your schools are run on property taxes… your poliice are run on property taxes… INCOME TAX IS ILLEGAL AND IS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY TO RUN THE GOVERMENT!!!! And I’ll prove it… READ MY BLOG in the upper right hand corner titled Welcome to the death of america on my myspace page, www.myspace.com/jasonur

I Love all you people that say he got what he deserves and he broke law, when all of you sheep have no clue that INCOME TAX IS ILLEGAL!!!! no one has to pay income tax it is against the constitution… I dare anyone to find the law that says you have to pay taxes… You dont… there is no law… Its a scam… This Is Not A conspiracy Theory It Is A Fact and I cam prove it… Just check my blog on my myspace pace named WELCOME TO THE DEATH OF AMERICA!!!! and the video will prove outright you are all being stolen from by the us goverment… ron paul was the only canidate running that was gonna do away with the irs and the income tax but you are all so programmed to believe you have to pay it that you all laughed at him like he was crazy… Not one penny of your income tax is used to run the goverment… thats a fact… it is not needed it is not legal and wesley snipes broke no laws… EDUCATE YOURSELVES AND TAKE BACK YOUR MONEY AND YOUR GOVERMENT… check the blog out on my page… www.myspace.com/jasonur blog is in the upper right hand box and is called Welcome to the death of america… You’ll be glad you did, and spread the word… stop the corruption…

Posted at 7:03PM on Apr 25th 2008 by jason

 

Fuel Economy Survey

I read a very interesting Fuel Economy Survey today, it surprised me actually.

from KickingTires by David Thomas

In Part I, we tackled what car owners thought of high gas prices and hybrid technology. The rest of the responses were equally intriguing and focused on what will folks sacrifice for fuel efficiency? The answers to that question are below.

• 30% said they’d give up vehicle size, 28% said acceleration. Only 5% said they’d give up comfort.
• The sacrifices are already coming out of the pockets of car owners in other areas: 76% of those surveyed said they’re cutting back on other areas of their budgets because of high gas prices.
• Of course, not so many folks are willing to pay more for a more fuel efficient car either, only a slight majority of 53%.
• When asked point blank how much would you spend on a 40 mpg car versus a 25 mpg car all other things equal, 21% said they wouldn’t pay any more at all, and 18% said less than $1,000 more; 25% would spend $1,000 or more; 21% said they’d pay $2,000 or more; 10% said $3,000 or more. And only 5% would pay more than $4,000 more.
• Automakers better listen, because 81% of the respondents said the car companies aren’t doing enough to make their cars more fuel efficient.
• The government is a worse offender to respondents, it seems. An overwhelming majority of them, 87% said the government is not doing enough to raise fuel-efficiency standards.

 

A goodbye letter from a wife to her husband

Well, after all these many months, I have finally received a response to the archived post “A goodbye letter from a husband to his wife”. I always promised my wife I would post her response, unedited, and her side of the story as she saw it. Though I did “X” out certain private and personal details to protect others, like I had done with my letter to her, I kept it just as it was. I have allot of respect for my wife for sending me this now, and though I disagree with some of things mentioned, embarrassed by a few others, and see many things very differently, this entry is hers, and hers alone, It is not my place or time to respond. And I will only say this, I love my family, I will always be here for them and her, no matter what. They are everything to me. But this letter is just as the title says, a goodbye letter.

Hello everyone. My name is Jodi.

I have been silent long enough. Now I ask that as you read this you understand that it is only one side of the story, one persons opinion. That person is me. As I sit here now broken hearted and devastated I am also sick with strep and a temperature of 103.6 (no lie). The time has come for me to stop being silent even though the timing could not be worse and I am sure my wording will not be the best because of it. There are a few of you out there who are anticipating this letter and no doubt are concerned that I will say more than I should out of spite or vengeance simply to get my point across. I will not do that. Why? Because I want to end this letter the way it begins. With honesty, morality, and forethought of family members and friends who will no doubt read what I write.

I want to start with the quote “The Truth Shall Set You Free”. I am going to set this family, my husband and my self free for the first time in 15 years with the truth. You will always find versions of the truth to any life story. This is my family’s truth as we lived it, breathed it and felt it every day for 15 years. You might even ask why the urgency of writing this now under such conditions? The why is simple, for the second time in my relationship with my XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXX. Much like the first time, XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 15 years with his wife and his family, something I hope none of you out there ever have to suffer the pain of. Though I can’t claim our relationship was perfect or even good I can say that through the many years of hard times I was probably one of the last faithful wives on the planet. My husband has always believed other wise, which was one of the many problems that tore our marriage to pieces on a daily basis. I state now, challenging anyone who knows, not believes, but knows differently to provide proof that I have ever so much as hugged, kissed or felt the touch of another human being during my 15 year relationship with him. Do any of you out there know what it feels like to have your own children, your own family and even your friends told that you are unfaithful when you are not? Painful does not even come close when you lived the life I did, went through the hell I went through. I am going to start off with my husbands email from yesterday then I will go into some detail on my 15 years with this man and explain to you why even now his family, his wife and his children would welcome him home with open arms. While I am sure some of you will be shocked by that statement others might understand that family is the most important thing, the only thing we truly have left and can count on in this crazy world. I always tried to live by the philosophy that if I could not forgive my husband for his wrongs I had to at the very least try to forgive the father of my children. Again I only ask that you remember that this is one sided, one women’s opinion of what use to be an extraordinary man. A man that I willingly gave up 15 years of my life for. Most of the time with out any hesitation. I had a letter that I wrote to him right after he left but never gave to him. Maybe now I realize that was the wrong thing to do. My intentions were good however. He had written to me this letter, a beautiful letter that I would have given anything to receive during our marriage, before he left. By the time he left so many lies had been told that I didn’t believe a word of it and if he stops to think about the circumstances under which it was given he would have to agree that any one would have a hard time XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXX. I had heard so many words, so many empty promises, so many lies at this point that I wouldn’t have believed the sun was shining even if I could have seen it for myself, XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX about various but serious family issues. No need to go into them he knows what lies where told. So here is his quote from yesterday…

“Well, you had such a great man, and you threw him away, i dont understand. And there are some that cant believe it.”

My response to him was simple, where is this great man I had, where was he every day to take care of his family when they needed him most. Did I throw him away or had he thrown me away years ago? I am sure the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

My husband was such an amazing man when I first met him all those 15 years ago. Everything I wanted, everything I needed. Everything I thought I would never find. I had a baby daughter at the time which he cared for and loved as his own. Probably what first won over my heart. Melted is probably a better word. He made me feel like I was the most beautiful, important women in the world. We moved in together after only about 3 months of dating, moved down to Mpls with only a suitcase and a beat up old car. One of our fist obstacles was our age. He was only 18, I was only 21. Barely adults unable to care for ourselves much less a child. Somehow we managed. I got pregnant with our beautiful daughter XXXXXX only 4 years into the relationship. I began working over nights so we could save on daycare costs and so we could keep our children at home and safe with us. We worked for the same company which looking back was probably not the smartest move. I was away from home, my bed, my husband and my family at least 3-5 nights a week for 7 years making maybe half at best of what he made. 4 years into this job I had another child, my amazing son. Still I continued to work these over nights which was very hard on me, very stressful. We were already suffering some of the problems that a relationship with small children at a young age can have. XXXXXX, absence, neglect, financial problems, intimacy problems, gambling, temper problems on both parts, you name it. It took years for this man to ask me to marry him, ask isn’t even the word I would use, he said to me while I was pregnant with my son “we might as well do it now”. Do it meaning get married. Something I had wanted for years. We got married in the lobby of a hotel room in South Dakota while I was 5 months pregnant. I wasn’t even given a ring until 1 year ago. XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Looking back now there were many signs and many things that should have clued me into what my life was going to be like but the honest truth is I didn’t care. I loved this man anyway. You might ask were my birthdays or anniversary’s special, did he bring me flowers even when our children were born, did he talk to me when I was lonely, sad or just needing a should to cry on or someone to talk to, did he lay with me at night and hold me close to let me know I was needed and wanted, did he spend time with me, eat with me or watch tv with me or even take me places, was he XXXXXXXXXX, did he love me or even attempt to love me, was he a good father? The answer to all these questions is NO. Was I the best women I could be and the best mother I could be? The answer is still no but I can at least say that I did try. We both were guilty of many wrongs and even now who is to say which of us was right. All I wanted for this man was for him to be the best father, the best husband and the best man he could be. He had it in him but because of years of fighting, stress, problems and his own personal addictions and demons he was unable to see that this man still existed. He was unable to see that for years this family had been falling apart. I tried to tell him, I would beg him at times to understand that we needed him, that I needed him. XXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX XXX XXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. You get what you give. I would have given just about anything to be loved, respected and trusted. During the few times over the years I felt that way I returned it back to him in spades. My love and respect though hard to give came in the form of standing by this man for all those years no matter how many wrongs he had done not just to me but to my children. I could detail these wrongs but he knows what he did to this family, and what I did to him. Telling untrues daily, losing his temper, making unfounded and untrue accusations not just against me but also my daughter, refusing to even try to make things right. I sat here losing everything that I had and this man was no where to be found. Off on his XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX weeks at a time with no contact or concern for me and our children. Having fun and not caring like he now accuses me of. Yet when he asked me to allow him to come home I agreed. Again I don’t want to go into details about our final months but it was hell for me and our family. I would try to believe him and his promises of change and making life better but as time went on and nothing changed it got harder to believe he would even try. Many years of promises every last one of them broken made it very hard to believe in him. At the point where I was given this letter, this beautiful heart felt letter he had been XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. I would have given anything to receive this letter at a time when I could have believed in it. I wanted to believe in it with all my heart. As I am sure you can understand at best it was difficult for me to believe anything he was saying to us. During the time he left this letter he was also angry and making untrue accusations, not listening or allowing me to explain. Fighting with our oldest daughter constantly, saying things to her in anger I knew he didn’t mean or would never normally say. He was blaming everyone but himself, he even now is still doing that. I was ignoring his calls and messages because XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX. Now to know this man the way I X XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX. Believe me I understand he was desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures so to speak but some of the XXXXXXXX were so personal so devastating to even hear that it honestly did change me, scare me and yes force me to run away from him and not allow contact. He was threatening to take my children, calling me a bad mother when he knew I was doing my best, even threats of using things I told him, personal private things that were not my fault against me. Those are just a few of the many things he threatened me with. Now again I ask that you understand that I was no angel or saint. I was making mistakes of my own. Not the mistakes he thinks but mistakes just the same. I made many mistakes over the years as well and in no way will I say now that our problems were his fault. We were both to blame for the downfall of this family. You might ask why I would want to save a marriage plagued with XXXXXXX XXXX on his part, addiction, neglect, abuse, financial struggles and enormous problems. It is simple, family. This man that I love, that I miss with all my heart, that I use to believe in has huge potential. Potential I can see in him now that he has spent some time away. He now wants to be the father he couldn’t be then from afar. I have read that letter he wrote a thousand times and could recite it to you verbatim. Now I am writing a letter of my own. Brought on mostly by his words to me about how he is torn between XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX his love for his family that stood by his side no matter what for the last 15 years. He says to me that I treated him like garbage but the truth is we both treated each other badly. He says to me that XXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX doesn’t know him, not the real him. Respect and love are earned and only if they are given. If he had ever treated me the way he treats XXXXXX XXXXX I would have responded with amazing love and kindness in return. My love for him carried this family through 15 years of hell. When I couldn’t forgive the man, my husband I forgave my children’s father. I feel now he owes me and this family what we always gave to him…a chance. He says that he can XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, but for years this man didn’t touch me or sleep next to me. Hug me or even kiss me. When he finally would extend his hand to touch me just the slightest it was after months of neglect and anyone would have pulled away. I never once had the ability to share intimate details with him about another man simply because there were none to share. If there had been however, not during my darkest hour, on my darkest day would I do such a cruel thing. At times I was so alone, so lonely with so many opportunities but at the end of the day I was still a married women with children. No matter what was going on with my marriage I still had to live with myself, believe in myself. Tempted many times yes but never once did I so much as kiss, hold or even hug another human being. It would have been pointless since there was only one man I wanted to touch, hold and be with and that man was my husband. Regardless of the abuse and neglect on both parts he was all I ever wanted, all I ever needed. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Even now I can hear his words over and over again of how he was XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. We made it through and I even began to trust him again, still remaining ever faithful. At times after all the accusations towards me of infidelity I felt like why not but I realized that was not the answer. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I knew I could never inflict such pain on him and hope to survive it. He then turned around and used his untrue accusations of me being XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Then to share those intimate details with me was XXXXXXX. He says he is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. Many times I was torn, many times I forgave the unforgivable. Many times I stood by this man giving him another chance. Many times he begged me to take him back to rebuild our family to give him a chance and against all odds and disbelief I did so every time. He says he can’t go back he would not survive, many times I said the same thing to him and he promised me that this family would not go back that we would go forward and I gave him that chance to prove this time he meant it. If not for myself I gave him that chance for my family, for our children. To live the way this family was living there was no way we could pull ourselves up from the hole we were stuck in. The only way we stood a chance was with some time and space to do so. I never imagined he would use this time and space to XXXXXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX. He claims he spent a month trying to talk to me that I just didn’t care that I was to busy having fun. That is not the truth. My fun was not fun at all. It was survival. I was dying a little each day. He was out of control. Saying and doing things that were so hurtful and painful I couldn’t figure out how to respond. He refused to listen to me, wouldn’t let me explain or even speak the truth with out XXXXXXXXXXXX. I thought with time he would settle down, give me a chance to talk to him without being so out of control that he couldn’t hear a word I was saying. I wanted him to have time to realize that he was so much better than the man he had become. That he had so much to offer as a father, husband and man. That he alone had the power to make this family not only amazing but eternal something very few families can claim anymore. I am sure that many of you are asking after all the years and all the abuse and neglect and all the problems and now XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX why on earth I would want this man back. It’s simple…our children, our family, myself we need him. Not the him he had become but the him we see today. I don’t want to go back, I could never go back, none of us could. I want to go forward. Start over. Rebuild this beautiful family we once had. To my husband I say only this, many times you asked me for a chance to do the impossible and even against all odds and my own disbelief I gave it to you. After 15 years of mistakes and forgiveness this family stood by you and you owe us the very same now. XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. And to respond to my husband’s email statement of how I threw away a great man and he doesn’t understand why. Most people can’t even believe it….Well did I throw you away or did you throw me away as well? I think we both threw each other away many times over. A great man? You were a good man once who did a lot of bad things. All I ever wanted was for you to be the best man, the best father and the best husband you could be because I saw you many times over the years at your best and who wouldn’t long for that. As far as those many who can’t believe it maybe now they can understand that there are two sides to every relationship. It always takes two. It is never just one person who is at fault, never. I could go into so many details, so many bad things just to get my point across but that is not me. Like I said I made many mistakes as well. Less than 4 weeks ago my husband asked me to go away with him, start over. I said no because I knew our problems wouldn’t just disappear by going away together as a family. I wanted to deal with our issues not run from them. I desperately wanted him to believe in me, love me, respect me and trust me but he couldn’t. He was so out of control I needed him to settle down have time to think and realize what he was throwing away, fall back in love with his wife and his family. Instead he XXXXXXXXXXXXXX. He believes that I will walk away, that I will give up on 15 years just like that. He wants me to do that because it is easier for him. To sum up our problems over the years is easy in the aspect that he always wanted the easy way out of everything. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. It was always the easy way out. I was always the opposite. I always fought for what I believed in even when it was impossible. So now I will fight. I will fight for this family, for my children, for myself and for him. You only get one short life. We all die but we do not all really live. In the end family is all you really have. I will not give up on my family, not with out a fight. I don’t have it in me to take the easy way out. Our children didn’t ask to be brought into this world. They are 3 of the most amazing, beautiful, smart talented children you will ever know. They deserve to be a family. They deserve to have their mother and their father in the same home. Chris this family has given you everything, more chances than you can count, far more than you ever deserved. That is all we are asking for now. A chance to be a family, a chance to make this right. A chance to rebuild our lives and make this world a better place for our children. If you are truly in XXXX XXXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX. Please do not do this to our family. Our anniversary is less than one week away. The best gift you could give me is to be a family together again for our kids. You owe this family at least a chance to be together. After all the years and chances we gave you. Please don’t destroy our lives anymore than they already have been. I don’t want you to go back to that “hole” that we were both in I want us all to climb out together. That is the only way I think we can climb out. We love you, we need you, we miss you. You know what you put this family through so there was no need to tell all for the world to read but even now we want to be a family. We are begging you to give this family a chance to make this right together. Something we gave you far more times than you deserved.

 

Homeward bound

Well, after exactly only eleven days I am officially a local resident. I have to be honest, I really believed that finding a place to live was going to be a very tedious task, and could take weeks if not months. And I am very relieved that it turned out to be a fairly easy and painless process. Paul and I got together tonight; worked out the last few details, and to bond a little bit I suppose. He picked me up around five thirty and we headed downtown so he could show me around. We went to this fantastic Martini Bar called The Red Carpet that is just to cool to describe, wonderful atmosphere, and a great happy hour spread. What is really neat about this place is that there are actually ten or more different little bars and clubs in this same building, everything from a pool hall, to a rock & roll club, cigar bar, and more. There are doors and hallways snaking all over the place with all kinds of cool places to hang out, couches and cozy chairs galore, cool decor, and just a relaxing place to hang out. I was really impressed, and plan on coming back often. We also checked out this restaurant across the street, that has a similar set-up, something like five or six floors with all kinds of different seating areas, and some very good food I hear. They have this single table for two, which is located all by itself on top of this long stairway overlooking the city, I guess you can email and reserve this table anytime, and I imagine would be very romantic. And from what I can see, there are probably a number of other unique places just like these in that compact downtown area, and what’s nice is that downtown is exactly fifteen minutes to our front door, so a twenty dollar cab ride would get us home. I am finding the character and personality of this town more and more each day, and I have to say I am constantly more and more impressed.

We worked out all the final details, and I start moving in on Thursday. It was really an easy process actually, only a few ground rules, stay away from each other’s guns, woman, food, and most importantly no pissing on the carpet. How that last one came up, I don’t know, but I hope it won’t be a problem. Though as much as I hate to admit it, I think I might actually be guilty of doing that once or twice in my life. We agreed on a price that is more than fair, and factoring in that everything is included, heat, electric, internet, garbage, water, everything, I am more than happy. It will be so strange not having to write a check for all those bills every month. I get both large bedrooms in the basement, our own bathroom, and pretty much the whole basement will be my domain, but we both have full reign over the house. He doesn’t have cable or dish at the moment, and if down the road we decide to have it hooked up, we will split it. More than fair, but I could care less at the moment. Did I mention I offered to sign a lease, but Paul said he wouldn’t even know where to find one, that just shows how easy it was to come to an agreement. I kept asking him if I could buy anything the house may need, a vacuum, coffee maker, but he simply has everything. He even was able to secure a bunk bed for my kids for when they visit from a neighbor for the bargain basement price of free. What a huge weight off my back not having to fully stock my own place. Though as I was sitting here tonight, there are still a number of things I need. More than I figured actually, a bed, bedding, pillows, towels, a light, a table of some sort. I also need to go shopping for groceries, soap, detergent, all that little crap that I have to stock up on. I was offered a bed from my grandma’s house, and I am thinking it might actually just be easier to find something locally, it would be such a hassle and expense to haul that bed a hundred and twenty miles down here, it would be different if a person had a truckload of stuff, but for a single bed set, I’m not sure. Plus, I have had some fairly bad back problems the last few years, so a bed might be the one item I invest in. And trust me on this, your mattress is one of the most important things you own, maybe the most important, you spend one third of your life on it, and really affects the overall quality of your life. Go lay on a $200 cheapo mattress and then lay on a Simmons W Hotels series mattress and you will see what I mean, you will fall asleep the second your head hits the pillow with that puppy. But since I need something right now today, I think I will just pick up a dual height premium blow up air mattress and use that for a few weeks, and then when I get a real bed, I can have guests use the air mattress. Oh, one thing, if you ever go buy a new mattress and pay the retail or sale price they have posted, you just got took. The mark up on these things is tremendous, a good rule of thumb, ask for the full msrp and offer exactly half, excluding the memory foam models. Even then they are making a pretty tidy profit. But for now, one of those quality air beds will have to do.

So Saturday Paul is having his mom come over to help with the down and dirty spring cleaning, and to check me out I think, I offered to help of course, so I will be moving into a sparkling clean house. And next month the entire façade is getting a refresh with new siding, stonework, and accents, should be really nice when completed. If you can’t tell I am kind of excited to move in, but I paid up through Friday here, and since I have a bed, I might as well stay. Plus it gives him one last chance to enjoy the house alone with his kids for a few days before I get in there. I have allot to do anyway, get my driver’s license changed, mail transferred, grocery shop, resume submitting, all my address changes with banks, credit cards, websites, and get a few more of my things together. Seems like there are not enough hours in the day. But one thing is for sure, after staying in hotels for the better part of that last few months, not having a maid come in and clean up after me is going to be a needed wakeup call. But I can’t say I won’t miss it.

Today my cell phone minutes rolled over, thank goodness. I really tried not to use it once I got close to my cap, but I still went over by about two hundred minutes, which really tans my hide. But if anyone has been calling, and I wasn’t answering, it was because I had it shut off, but all is good now. I also had so much going on the last few days, I realized about four hours before midnight that I had a credit card payment due today, and luckily I caught it, because those guys really nail you if you’re late, but I called in a payment just in time. Shoot, I almost had another reason to get on here and rant.

On the home front some progress has been made, not sure how it will all turn out just yet. And I’m not going to get into it, but things are moving in the right direction I am glad to say. Hope to have an update soon.

And finally tonight, I just have to comment on all the great friends and people I have met or helped me these past short eleven days. I am just in awe that I was able to bring all these quality people into my life in such a short time. Paul is fantastic, and we will be friends for a long time, he doesn’t like cursing, and is very dedicated to his faith, yet can still let loose and have fun, and will be a great influence on me I’m sure. Karley has been my rock since getting here, and I just don’t know if I could have made it without her. Keith keeps me going a hundred miles an hour, and is always good for a laugh. Nick and the gang are just plain fun to be around, can’t wait to get to know you all better. I have been able to count on John for years and years, and lately has been no exception. Jenny calling to keep me in check and guiding me along the way. And most importantly my mom, my rock, I don’t deserve her. Thank you guys….

“I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world.”
Thomas A. Edison

 

Theft by classified ad

Some stories that I come across just simply amaze me. This is a very creative way to really stick it to someone. I shouldn’t find it amusing, but I just can’t help it. What a couple of morons.

Police: Couple covered up theft with Craigslist post

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MEDFORD, Ore. — It wasn’t a hoax or revenge that cost a Southern Oregon man many of his belongings when people responded to a Craigslist posting and nearly emptied his rural home, officers say: It was a pair of thieves covering their tracks.

Jackson County sheriff’s deputies arrested a Medford couple Monday and said the two stole horse saddles and other items from Robert Salisbury’s home.

Then, deputies said, the couple tried to cover up their theft by posting a notice on the Web site Craigslist that said Salisbury had to leave the state and his belongings were free for the taking.

On a Saturday, March 22, Salisbury came home to see people loading his goods into their vehicles.

When he protested, people whipped out copies of the Craigslist post, insisting that because the offer was on the Web, it had to be true and refused to return his stuff.

The sheriff’s office thought at first that the posting was a nasty prank.

But later, deputies say, they tracked computer files to Amber Herbert, 28, and Brandon Herbert, 29.

They said they determined that the couple had stolen goods from a garage at Salisbury’s place a few days before the Craigslist posting and sold the saddles over the Internet.

Other than taking a look at the property because it was listed as for rent, the pair had no connection to Salisbury, deputies said.

“Other Craigslist hoaxes we’ve seen were malicious, but this was not the revenge-type thing we were expecting,” said Sgt. Colin Fagan said. “But it was pretty sinister.”

The Herberts were booked on burglary, theft and computer crime charges.

Officers say that some of Salisbury’s belongings have been returned since the crime made headlines, but he is still out thousands of dollars in goods.

 

All over the place

Well, even though it has only been a couple of days since my last post, I have allot to get into, so expect a somewhat longer than normal entry today. I guess the biggest news from the last couple of days is I finally found a place to live, we still have a few minor details to work out, but unless something out of the blue happens I will start moving stuff in within a few days. So Saturday I was just casually browsing through the housing ads and came across an ad for -roommate wanted-. Usually I pass rite over these ads because since day one I have really been against the idea of having a roommate. I know it can be a help to pay the bills, and share expenses, but with my situations with the kids, and having them around, it would just be an inconvenience for all involved. Roommates are great if your single and in your twenties with no kids, and just need a room and roof over your head. So I really had always never given it much consideration. But something about this particular ad peaked my interest just a little bit. So here’s the story, the owner of the house, Paul was recently divorced, a very similar situation to what I am going through right now, he got the house, and has three kids all around the same age as mine. He has them usually a few days a week. He has a beautiful five bedroom home in Sartell, which is just a few miles outside St. Cloud. I would be renting the two bedrooms in the finished basement, and then also have full access to the house. The house is great, he has huge play area in the back, swings, forts, trampoline, pool; the place is just a kid’s wonderland, so I know my kids would just love it. The bathrooms have Jacuzzi tubs, the bedrooms are huge with walk-in closets, all new appliances, and is fully stocked and furnished. The benefit of that to me is, well huge; I wouldn’t have to buy all that stuff right away, dishes, spoons, couches, etc… All that stuff adds up, so the convenience factor is high. So the place is great, that’s half the battle, but what about this Paul guy. I mean you just don’t want to live with anyone; it really has to be a good fit. And I have to say, he really reminds me of myself. Really laid back, relaxed, easy to get along with. We really live similar lifestyles, both white collar average Joes in our thirties, recently divorced, have kids, both kind of starting from scratch again. Just to give you an idea of what kind of guy he is, I made the comment that I don’t really have that many friends in the area yet, so not many people would be hanging around, except hopefully at some point he may wake up in the morning to a few random woman walking around the house, his response to me was “That’s just fine, that’s perfect actually, as long as they have lots of cute friends, and they are all invited over”, I had to laugh. So he seems like a pretty good person, and someone who I can trust to have around the kids, and vice versa, I have no concerns about his kids being around, I actually miss having the noise of children. So the only thing that concerns me at this point is that I am worried I will never get the sense of home. Believe it or not I have not had that feeling in a long time, years in fact. As strange as that sounds, even living at the house with my wife, and the situation we were going through, I for a long time always felt like that was her house, and I was just somehow a resident in it. And I really want to have the feeling back of knowing I have a place to go back to at the end of the day that is my home, and I feel 100% safe and comfortable there, I want to make sure that I don’t always have the feeling that I am the guest in someone else’s home. But the situation is almost too good to pass up, and if for some odd reason it doesn’t work out, no harm done. And the best news is I would only have to buy a few pieces of furniture and supplies to start. Only thing yet to finalize is a price, since he hadn’t planned on renting both rooms to the same person, but we are both within a ballpark figure, and it is very reasonable. I will post some pictures of the place in the Flickr sidebar so you can have a look. The house really is fantastic in a great neighborhood, and I think Paul and I could be pretty good friends. So my idea of having a roommate has changed a bit, but the situation would have to be perfect, and this situation just might be. If everything works out, I should have keys by Wednesday or Thursday, and be moved in by Saturday. So all this went down today, and I am just taking the night to think everything through, and make sure this is rite, and I think it is. Strange how things have a way of working out.

So Friday night I ate at this great 50’s style diner, had an old fashion milkshake and greasy burger. I haven’t really eaten much greasy food in awhile, and I have to say it really did a number on me, the affects of which have lasted for a few days. This place was great though, it was like taking a step back in time, and is such a breath of fresh air from all these chain restaurants I have come to despise more and more. It was a real treat. The rest of the night I sat around in the room with a friend listening to music and just kind of hanging out.

Saturday was sure an action packed day. Most of the morning I was going over the rental ads, and sending out a few resumes, so I was able to get some things accomplished. But Saturday is not the best day for either, so I decided to get out of the room for the day. My buddy John had planned on coming up for awhile Saturday night, but he has been in the doghouse with the wife, which I can completely understand, so he decided to stay home, Buddy Keith had to work even though he was suppose to be having a bonfire at his house, and Carla was down in the cities to see her guy, so I hit the town alone. I hadn’t eaten since the night before so I decided to try the China Buffet offerings they have here in town. Well every town has one, and this one was pretty much what you would expect, like pizza, it’s always pretty good no matter where you go. Then I decided to catch a matinee, the only movie starting around the time I arrived was a movie called “The Ruins”, basically the plot is this, four young Americans on vacation go into the Mexican jungle, come across an ancient Myan tribe, and are slowly killed off by this prehistoric flower. The entire movie relied on gimmicky, terribly gory scenes, followed up by worst acting and a script that was probably written during the writers’ strike. It was really bad, but I can usually find something good about every movie I see, and the one bright spot in this flick was the casting of the main character, played by Jonathan Tucker, this guy has a lot of talent. You may remember him from the short lived TV series “The Black Donnelly’s”. Besides his performance though, this movie stunk more than a skunk. So after that I stopped at a local Pub a mile from my room called Shooters, nice little college bar. I thought I would have a few pints and call it a night, that was until I was told they had four dollar pitchers starting. Boy I wish I hadn’t heard that. So I ended up sharing a couple of pitchers with this gal sitting at the bar and chit chatting for awhile. Her nine year old son was recently diagnosed with possible Leukemia, and she was really having a hard time with it. Funny coincident, I had just recently read a fairly extensive article on Leukemia , and she was just shocked I knew so much, and I think it really helped her kind of understand a few facts and details about the cancer that she needed reassurances about. She had to go be with him, so I ended up drinking most of the pitcher, but I did give her a link to this blog, so Jennifer, if your reading this, I’m praying for you and your family, hang in there, I can’t even begin to understand what you must be going though.

So around eleven or so, the place was just packed with college kids, elbow to elbow, and I decided to head out, but once I got in the car, I was feeling pretty good and didn’t want to call it a night just yet, so I took a left towards my hotel and stopped at the gas station. I went in asked the very nice clerk if there were any quit lounges close by that I could stop for one last night cap. She told me about this great little honky tonk bar that looked kind of like a house a few miles down the road in St. Augusta, I thought to myself perfect, but do I need to knock? She laughed and said no, but you might miss it if you aren’t careful. Well I found the place easily enough, and it really reminded me of any small town bar you come across, what’s funny is that it’s only a few miles from downtown St. Cloud. Only a few locals lingering around and pints are two bucks all day every day. My kind of place. I ended up hanging out with a huge group of just turned legal drinkers, playing pool, and listening to all the twenty one year old drama that we all went through at that age. I stuck to the beer, but those guys were slamming down the shots like popcorn, I know Nick’s (the leader of this pack) bar bill alone at the end of the night was almost two hundred bucks, and for a place like this, that was allot. I had way more to drink than I had planned to at the beginning of the night, and this was one of those rare times I was either amazed and/or disgusted with myself how much beer I can actually consume in one session. Between the pitchers earlier and all the pints, I don’t even want to know, but it was allot, and we have all been there done that. But I had a great time, hung out with a cool group of people, so I am not too down on myself. They all actually invited me to this concert next weekend in some little town close buy, which I’d love to go, but I just got to get some things accomplished first. But I think that place will be a local hang out for me when I need to let loose a little bit. My favorite hot spot so far in town. One final note, the maid must have been happy, she didn’t have to make my bed the next morning, I forgot to go under the covers and just fell asleep with my clothes still on, on top of the bed, I hate when that happens. The next morning I didn’t feel terrible, but certainly not great. And a bunch of the guys from the night before, whom I had never met before then, had called and left messages to make sure I got back ok, just proves there are still some good people in this world. Till next time guys, I had a blast.

On the home front, I don’t even know where to begin. If you haven’t noticed I have been somewhat avoiding the issue the last few posts. I think I have been more than patient with many things, and now I have really no choice but to force some action. I have also learned a few things recently that put shivers down my spine, a pain in my gut, and some images in my brain that haunt me, and I just can’t let it continue any longer. Because if I don’t do something about it, someone else will. I know far more than what I am being told, far more, and it would actually be a shock to a number of people how much more. So I am not going to get too far into this right now, but to those concerned, and those that have contacted me with concerns, progress is ahead. I have still been hoping that after this much time, months now, that things would have settled down, and we could work together making this huge transition as painless as possible for all of us, that just hasn’t happened, so for better or worse, the time has come to try something different. I just feel at this point I have no other choice.

By the way, my spell check editor is on the fritz, if you found some errors, they will be fixed soon. Happy Monday all…

“Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.”